Today I decided to talk a little bit about regrets. As I was walking to school today I was thinking about things that I have not done and wish I had done or things I had done differently. It is interesting how things affect us at different times and how they can help us understand ourselves better.
Often I hear about the regrets of things we wish we hadn't done that would have made our lives better like I wish I wouldn't have skipped school so much or I wish I wouldn't have... (you fill in the blank their are numerous answers far more than we could imagine). There are also the regrets of things I wish I would have done. Like I wish I would have stayed at a particular job longer, I wish I would have traveled more, I wish I would have.... (Once again too many things to fill in the blank).
The new regrets that I had never thought about but make up who I am are regrets that would not have necessarily made my life better but I wish I had experienced. These regrets are much more personal because they bring out the bad side of who I am but who I have pushed down so as to have a healthy life. These regrets are the ones that we are taught by our parents not to have such as hitting other kids. One regret that is a "bad" regret that I have is I wish I had hit the bully that picked on me. Hitting the bully may or may not have made my life better but it was always taught by society to not hit and so I didn't hit. I regret not hitting him. This is a more grey regret I understand but hopefully you get my meaning without me having to spill my soul :)
I think about our "perfect" main characters who always seem to do what is right and never think bad things or regret taking the quest instead of staying home in the nice comfy bed. I think to make our characters more alive and real to our readers we need to give them regrets that are bad as well as good. Meaning the character should regret yelling at his mom and regret not kissing his best friends girlfriend.
So there are my thoughts on regrets. What do you think? How have you used regrets to shape your characters?
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I like this post. I think we all have some of those "bad" regrets and I think we'll be able to make better connections to characters who have those same kinds of experiences.
ReplyDeletei think we all have them...though at times we try to be macho saying we have none...so they should be present in our character and can build an emotional attachment between reader and character as well...
ReplyDeleteI wish you had hit that bully too! I think my big regrets come in things I said or did that hurt people's feelings. In person I can be very blunt and outspoken and sometimes that has gotten me in trouble when I speak before thinking.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea. I love adding the depth of regrets good and bad. There are even times now as an adult when I wished I would have "hit the bully." It is hard to live without any regrets but it is this type of experience that helps us determine what choices we will make in the future. The same goes for the character. Nice post.
ReplyDeleteRegrets, I've had a few, but too few to mention - as much as we pretend otherwise, characters are an extension of who we are, so the words apply. The woulda, coulda, shoulda game isn't part of my lexicon, an extension of my grandmother's influence.
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed this honest post.
If one has regrets then it's going over the past and cannot be undone. But whatever regrets I have I will know how to rectify them so it don't spoil my future,
ReplyDeleteYvonne.
I think every character should have some of this. I think about Frodo...I'm sure at many points along his journey he was wondering, "what the heck have I gotten myself into?" But he kept going. And yes, there are the other regrets too...I think we all have those too.
ReplyDelete